Shoelaces for Josie

I’ve made choices based on finances. Choices I made because I told myself my bank account couldn’t handle a different path. The reality was most of those choices based on finances were made because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my savings goals or my unwillingness to take out more loans.

I’ve made choices to stay in relationships long past the jump-ship point. Choices I made because I told myself it was better to be with someone than to be alone. Choices I made because I told myself they needed my help – as if I was the only person on the entire planet who had the ability to help them. Seriously, how narcissistic is that? The reality was that I chose to stay. Nobody forced me into it. The yellow-brick road didn’t stop.

I’ve made choices to live and to move. To take a job or keep on looking. To take the fork to the left or keep on going straight. To buy a microwave or do without. Choices, all of them choices, and almost none of them was my back scrunched into a corner. I felt like it – many times I have felt like a cold stone wall was digging into my shoulders as I faced down my decisions with a lone shot in my rifle. But in reality, I just wasn’t looking hard enough for extra shells, and I wasn’t looking in the right places.

Always…never…only…these are ultimatums, and ultimatums are dangerous. They’re also powerful which is why it’s easy to stumble into a choice that looks like a dead-end with nowhere to go. But nowhere to go? Come on, now, are you sure? Climb out of the box canyon. Dig a tunnel. Make a rope. How does that saying go?