Shoelaces for Josie

When you’re alone, you’re just one person. You only have to buy food for one, gas for one, electricity for one. You get the whole bed, and you can twist and flop around any which way you want. It doesn’t matter if the dishes sit for a day or if you spend the night at the bar. You can run around the house naked, wear heels while cooking breakfast and sing off key as loudly as you want.

But – when you’re alone, you’re just one person. You make decisions alone. You go to the movies alone. You go to church alone. You eat alone, drive alone and sleep alone. There’s no one to talk to, no one to call when your car breaks down, no one to hold your hand when the going gets rough. When you’re alone, you are just one.

There’s no one to get in a fight with, but there’s no one to make up with either. There’s no one to take the remote away from you, but there’s no one to curl up with on movie night either. There’s no one underfoot, but there’s no one to unfairly blame either.

Alone is safe. It’s a barricade against all the nasty parts of the outside world. But alone is terrifying when it becomes unsafe. It’s a barricade against all the wonderful parts of the outside world.

Sometimes, being with someone is hard. I know. I was there. Sometimes, being alone is hard. I know. I am here.